Day 30 – 32: On The Mend

Well, we have a car. I got my life back in that regard. 

She is shiny and new and I finally have an appropriate hands free. Though, I’m still getting used to everything – the size, the smoothness and the need to rewire my brain to stop thinking something is wrong with every bump I go over. 

I need a haircut. 

I’m starting to go down the rabbit hole of self loathing again. It’s been fun. Especially when I’m trying to be sexy and I’m just picking myself apart because one human in the whole world doesn’t want me anymore. It’s it my arms? My tummy? My thighs? What was the reasoning behind not finding me attractive any more? 

Maybe I need those Insta likes for validation that I am beautiful, if only in my own way. 

We are coming close to reassimilation. I wonder how many people actually cared that I was gone or who knew something was up? 

Probably no one but can’t judge a girl for trying. 

I tried to be sexy and lead someone on today. I got bored and had a shower instead. I cried though, not over the boy, but over the realisation I’m probably going to be not in a romantic relationship for a very long time – if ever. 

I just need a boy to give me flowers, take me to the movies and enjoy a day or two at the theme parks sneaking cute kisses and inside jokes while waiting in lines. It’s not hard to ask? I don’t know where to find this boy – is there a meeting place that they all go? 

Le sigh. 

My life.



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